{i miss you dearly}

Just a few hours ago, my mother called me. I thought she was gonna do her usual, "Sarah? Where are you? I'm hungryyyyyyyyy!" But no. She didn't. I was walking to H&M with Qarissa at this point.

She told me, "Sarah... Bandit is dead." I think I didn't believe her for a few seconds. I couldn't grasp it. It didn't feel real. It was unexpected. A couple months ago, Bandit did fall sick. He started staggering around, like a drunkard, really. Couldn't function properly for a few hours. Mum said he was having a stroke. But after a few days, he was back to practically normal!

Yes, he was old. Getting deaf & getting blind. Everything else seemed fine. We've had him for 8 years, since 2003. I was 11 then. ELEVEN. I'd say he's had a wonderful life, for the most part. We loved him and cherished him dearly. Played with him. He's seen me through secondary school!

I remember once, he had a tennis ball in his mouth. And he tried to bark and it was muffled 'oomp! oomp!' sound. So funny. Then daddy thought it would be funny to see what he would do if we gave him a piece of bakwa. True enough, hilarity ensued. He tried to eat the bakwa with the ball in his mouth. And he refused to stop trying for the longest time! Finally he dropped the ball, ate the damn bakwa, and grabbed the ball again. His treasure.

For the past year, he's been deteriorating. He slept a lot. He begun to be old and stubborn. He started licking everything. And let me tell you, his breath is potent. It's like a dead fish x a dead fish x a dead fish x ∞. We tried so many ways to stop him. Spraying vinegar on the places he licked, and even CHILI PADI. Seriously, dog! Why didn't you stop?! Sigh ): And then, he also started peeing everywhere. Although that's probably more of a lack of control of his bowels, then stubbornness.

It made things easier for mum to keep him cooped up in the kitchen. He was quite content there I suppose, happy to eat and sleep, eat and sleep. Mum & I were actually toying with the idea of whether to put him down or not. We weren't sure if it was fair to him, but it wasn't fair to Gambit because he's still young and happy go lucky, so we didn't want to keep him cooped up there as well. No judging, okay? Please?

And then this happened.

I caught myself typing the present tense instead of the past tense. I walked through the door tonight, and I didn't hear any barking. Gambit ran up to greet me at the door, for the first time in months. He looked so happy. But I'm not sure it was worth it. I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get to hug him one last time. I gave him a kiss on the top of his head yesterday though, I remember that. At least I have that. I wish I had more time, but I suppose we all do.

It feels like a lifetime since we first got him. And I suppose it has been a lifetime.

I love you Bandit, I miss you, I hope you were happy. And I hope you are happy. I'll see you soon, okay? Wag your tail for me. I'll let you lick me all over. Bark. Because I have to spend the rest of my lifetime without hearing you bark.