Saturday, October 8, 2011


I'm typing this right after saying good night to my boyfriend, after stalking all those pretty girls on Facebook and going through all their old photos, trying to see when they lost that 'awkwardness' and became so gorgeous.

Then I flipped through mine and wondered why I haven't made that transition to gorgeous.

I know I'm sounding rather shallow, but that's just one of many things that's tuning through my head. Bear with me.

One problem with me is that I always expect results without hard work. If it gets too hard, I give up and I never properly commit to something. It's something that's hindered me from making any landmarks in my life.

Sometimes, I don't know where to start. I want to be so many things at the same time and I don't think juggling everything is feasible. Maybe if I was better at balancing, then I could achieve more with my life. I started this blog to make a change, but nothing's happened. I started these holidays with goals and I've achieved nothing. I'm going nowhere.

Instead, I waste my money and time shopping and buying trivial things. There's nothing wrong with shopping, really, but I think I forgot about everything else that's important. I know I could be good, if I put my mind and effort to it. I'm just lazy. Terribly lazy.

Also, as much as I advocate big is beautiful (which it is and I love women who aren't afraid to show their true body) I would like to be able to lose some weight, and feel good and look good. I won't go stick thin overboard, just some weight. It's an important topic for me, weight, so I'll discuss it at length another time.

There are so many things I can achieve and so many things I could be. I have vocal lessons, but I don't practice. I have a keyboard and an audio interface which I barely touch. Not to mention the piano books which are collecting dust. Why am I wasting all these things? I'm so lucky to have them all! It's really time that I truly make an effort.

So I shall start by making the effort to do at least one of the things that I've neglected. Just one, for now. I'll buy a little calendar and tick off the days that I succeeded. And I'll start tomorrow, instead of telling myself next week or whatever rubbish.

I want to look at myself one day, and e proud of who I am. Because looking at who and where i am now, I almost disgust myself.

Are you proud of who you are?


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