Tuesday, September 13, 2011

{new beginnings}

I've been on my old Livejournal for as long I can remember.

Okay, I just checked. Since 2007.

That's helluva long time! I feel like I've gone backwards, in terms of blogs. I used to be on blogger, way before Livejournal, and I considered moving to wordpress but I honestly have no idea how to use it -.- I remembered blogger to be more flexible.

Somehow this change is a lot more difficult than I want it to be. I put a lot of work and sweat and tears into my LJ, changing the themes so often, customizing them, having headaches with Photobucket. It was a fun ride. I think it taught me a lot about html. I miss the times when I had my Photoshop though ): It was awesome creating all those graphics!

I made friends there too. Friends who cared and friends who commented on my posts, who took an interest in my life. I feel like I'm abandoning all of them ):

Not to mention the 5 years of my life that's on there. I was 15 when I started blogging there! And I'm on my way to being 19! God, everything seems so... far away. Thinking back, I guess my writing and design style has changed. I'm not so colorful, haha. If you bother to dig out my old posts, you'll realize why. The beginning and end posts aren't locked, I guess the middle years were more personal.

My brain is telling me, 'God! It's a just a blog!' and my hearts saying it's time to let go. But it's not just a blog. And my heart has made stupid decisions before. I know it's time to try to let go of the old me, too, at the same time. Or rather dig deeper to find the parts of me that should stay, and the parts that have to go.

I wrote a post on LJ about how I think my personality's taken a turn for the worst. It's true, I have. But it's time to work hard at being better. The road ahead looks long and tough, but I'll pull through.

Another thing I want this blog to contain, is maybe a little more of the creative side of me. I've always wanted to be more creative and fashionable and artistic, but I keep giving up. I hate that part of me. But again, I find it hard to change so I give up. It's terrible, really! I have to remind myself it's not impossible. Baby steps. People may be ahead of me, but it's never too late to start.

So, new beginnings. Hmm.

For now, I'll keep my Livejournal as an archive and a place for me to go for more personal stuff. Until I'm ready to let go. It's not a crime to hold on to the past.

At least, not yet.

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